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saving a marriage tips – how to save your marriage before it starts workbook

saving a marriage tips – how to save your marriage before it starts workbook Get it: http://www.niche-finder.net/savemymarriagetoday Is the “Save My Marriage…

Do not allow your pride to intefere with you “Strengthening Your Relationship

Christian Help For Marriage

http://www.christianhelpformarriage.com – Marriages are not always easy. “Till death do us part” is a very solemn promise that is to be taken extremely serio…

Do not allow your pride to intefere with you “Strengthening Your Relationship

Still Sexy at 60: Tips for Keeping Romance Alive and Well in Your Marriage

http://www.marianneclyde.com — Marianne Clyde, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist suggests ways to add romance to your life. Date nights; shut off phone…

Do not allow your pride to intefere with you “Strengthening Your Relationship

Divorced man’s marriage advice goes viral

Gerald Rogers had just finalized his divorce the night he wrote a blog post giving advice on how to have a successful marriage. The post has gone viral, with…

Do not allow your pride to intefere with you “Strengthening Your Relationship

Dr. Phil’s Best Marriage Advice – Oprah’s Lifeclass – Oprah Winfrey Network

In 2001, Angela told Dr. Phil she might want to marry her fiancé Eric, an admitted cheater, for the wrong reasons. Look back on the advice Dr. Phil gave Ange…

Do not allow your pride to intefere with you “Strengthening Your Relationship

Free Marriage Advice And Counseling Workbooks

Marriage Advice

Do not allow your pride to intefere with you “Strengthening Your Relationship

Let’s Keep it Together (Black Marriage)

There are two things that always happen, we strengthen or weaken or marriage. Which one are you doing the most?

Do not allow your pride to intefere with you “Strengthening Your Relationship

Solving Relationship Problems

Resolving Marital Issues

Solving relationship issues have become a bigger problem than it ever has been in the past.

Marital Cancer

There are all kinds of answers from all kinds of people in all kinds of places all over the world in all languages. It can eventually become so overwhelming that one begins to agree with Psychology Today, “Stop Trying to Solve Your Relationship Problems” their title to an article published 1/23/14. This title is like telling a person that if you have stomach problems and have an acident in your underwear, then you don’t have wash up or anything until it becomes unbearable to smell.

Although relationship problems don’t smell like crap, they can defenitely make one feel like crap behind all the smiles, high fives, hugs, etc. How many many people told themselves they wanted to get into a relationship in order to feel like crap?

One last thing, how many times can you sweep something under the rug before it is easily apparent that you’re hiding something? The person who sweeps always knows what they swept under the rug; eats away at them constantly.

 

I found another article “10 Signs of Relationship Trouble”, that brings the realization to mind that if i am on the internet searching on relationships, then that is a sign of my having having an issue. Does it really take a person all 10 signs in order to know their relationship is in trouble?

Let say i give you an hour to spend on your relationship, do you spend most of the hour on the problem or on the solution?

 

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“What is the Likelihood of Breaking Up?” 

Break ups occur at the point when one has decided that they have had enough. The difference is in how the other person finds out. The worse case scenario is when one finds out the other person has left them through someone else.

While some may consider this as having wasted their time, it is only because they do not know how to use the data this heartache is providing them.

One of the earliest responses is that they promise them self they will not allow this to happen to them again; some might describe this as a wake up call.

 

Business or Work may disrupt the home.

There are two sides to this:

  1. Work can be used to escape from home; or
  2. Home can disrupt work.

 

One person has multiple relationships within which they fill separate distinct roles. However, they all impact each at the level of having a common denominator – the individual. Anything that happens at work has a ripple effect in all the other relationships of the individual, including the individual’s confidence, esteem, self-talk, perspective, and so on.

 

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Captured

Immobilized by Fear

I have you just where i want you.

Immobilized by Fear

Being stalked, haunted or hunted by those things we would rather not think about.

The Situation

There’s a a married couple in their mid to late twenties.

Both of them work full time jobs, and in the first trimester of her pregnancy.

She has an appoint to have a sonogram since she has been having some unexplained abdominal pain. The appoint is at three in the afternoon. His plan was to go into work early, work through lunch, and to leave early to make it on time for their appointment.

Well, she’s on her way home and worried about what has happened to her husband. He wasn’t at the doctor appointment, he didn’t call, wasn’t at his job, and wasn’t answering his cellphone either. She calls every hospital in town, and he isn’t at any of them.

It’s seven thirty that night when he walks in the door of their home. She’s having a cow, and he’s silent as a lamb. He’s not responding to anything she says, none of his usual buttons are working. They both end up in bed with their backs to each other on opposite edges of the bed, worlds apart.

 

Behind the Scene

The husband was an only child of a single mother. His mother worked two to three jobs, so that they would not be on welfare.

He had one step-dad during his adolescence who was a vietnam veteran, alcoholic and beat his mother like she was a slave in 1815. His love for his mother resulted in his promising himself that he would never do that to women.

He never had the opportunity to be a son, and doesn’t know what a dad or Father looks like, talks like, smells like, acts like or anything else.

He has dreamed about having the opportunity to be the dad to his child that he never had. Except, as the birth draws closer the more doubt and fear he has about himself being a good dad because he has nothing to go by.

His wife is aware that he was raised by a single mother, and nothing else.

The husband was fine when he left for work. It was around one o’clock in the afternoon when everything cam crashing down on him. He couldn’t stay focused, and feeling like the walls were closing in on him. He drives for hours, and finds himself in the parking lot of a bar staring at the door. Although he realizes that he cannot drink his fears away, he sits there until he eventually falls asleep. He is awakened by someone going into the bar who stops to make sure he is okay. He looks at his watch and sees that it is six thirty in the evening and heads home.

On the drive home he thinks about whether or not he can be a dad. He considers the option of leaving his wife because he doesn’t want to be bad father. His mind is filled with all kinds of doubts and fears as he tries to figure out what he’s going to do.

He walks into the house and hears his wife say something, but can’t really make out what she’s saying. Now on top of everything else he is now debating within himself whether or not to tell her what happened and is still going on in his mind. He knows she is having a cow about all this.

Just when he has mustered up some courage to tell her about what all is going on, the thought enters his mind that she will think of him as less than a man. He says nothing, doesn’t eat, prepares for bed, and sleeps on the edge of his side of the bed.

 

We are taken captive by our thoughts, doubts, fears, and closed mouths.

 

Remembering the past as a measuring device of any kind paralyzes the present, while immobilizing our future (a circle/cycle).

As males we often console ourselves with “i can handle it” or “it will work itself out”. As we repeat this to ourselves we continue to keep it to ourselves.

The problem is that our silence about this denies the fulfillment we seek with the woman we are in love with.

Our silence is considered the mark of our being a man, our fear of being less than a man in her eyes, and withholding that part of ourselves from her.

Our silence allows her emotions to runaway with her imagination blindly leading it in all directions until something takes. This ignites and revives her own fears upon which she begins to act.

 

Release the Hostages

Communication is the key to releasing ourselves from the captivity of our individual thoughts, doubts, and fears. Being set free from these things also exonerates all of our relationships, especially marriage.

 

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This is the secret of every male:

  • there is something we cannot figure out;
  • we want to figure this out before we talk about it;
  • this thing we won’t talk about is somehow tied into the selof image/esteem;
  • fear of being seen as less a man;
  • afraid you may leave/abandon/reject us;
  • uncertain of ourselves;
  • do not want to let you down;
  • desire to be the man you always dreamed of; and
  • desire to be the only man you ever love.

 

Males want the same kind of long lasting love that women want. The same love that women dream of, men contemplate.

 

Communication is the bridge that connects two shores, despite the current of water that flows between them.




Originally published in 1988, Getting the Love You Want has helped millions of couples attain more loving, supportive, and deeply satisfying relationships. The 20th anniversary edition contains extensive revisions to this groundbreaking book, with a new chapter, new exercises, and a foreword detailing Dr. Hendrix’s updated philosophy for eliminating allnegativity from couples’ daily interactions, allowing readers of the 2008 edition to benefit from his ongoing discoveries during his last two decades of work.

Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., in partnership with his wife, Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD., originated Imago Relationship Therapy, a unique healing process for couples, prospective couples, and parents. Together they have more than thirty years’ experience as educators and therapists and their work has been translated into more than 50 languages, with Imago practiced by two thousand therapists worldwide. Harville and Helen have six children and live in New York and New Mexico.

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Getting the Love You Want Workbook: The New Couples' Study Guide (Paperback)

By (author): Ph.D. Harville Hendrix Ph.D., Ph.D. Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D.

A companion workbook to the enormously successful New York Times bestselling relationship book, Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples.
In 1988, Harville Hendrix in partnership with his wife, Helen LaKelly Hunt, published a terrifically successful relationship guide, Getting the Love You Want. The book introduced thousands to their Imago Relationship Therapy, a unique healing process for couples, prospective couples, and parents, and developed into an overnight sensation. For their part, Doctors Hendrix and Hunt managed to aid scores of couples in their plight for more loving, supportive, and deeply satisfying relationships. Now, more than a decade later, this companion book picks up where its predecessor left off, delving further into relationship therapy once again, to help transform relationships into lasting sources of love and companionship.
The Getting the Love You Want Workbook is designed for the hundreds of thousands of couples who have attended Imago workshops since Getting the Love You Want hit bookstands, as well as new and curious ones seeking a practical route back to intimacy and passionate friendship. The workbook contains a unique twelve-week course (The New Couples' Study Guide) designed to help work through the exercises published in Part III of Getting the Love You Want. Included are complete step-by-step instructions for transforming relationships into a lasting source of love and companionship.
For those of us struggling to maintain our most precious relationships, the Getting the Love You Want Workbook helps us grow aware of our individual, unconscious agenda while steering us towards a more harmonious link with our loved ones that will satisfy our deepest needs.
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Imago Couples Therapy: Proven Strategies for Helping Couples Connect, Heal, & Grow (DVD)

Director: Premier Publishing & Media
Starring: Harville Hendrix Ph.D.

Imago is a Couple s Therapy that helps married/committed partners use their relationship to help each other co-heal childhood wounds and grow into their full potential. Here are just a few of many pertinent relationship issues that Harville will address:

-Why do we fall in love with the people that we do?
-What core issues do all couples face?
-How do you transform destructive conflict into creative tension?
-How do you work with the difficult couple?
-Is it ever too late to save a marriage?
-How do you help couples move from ineffective communicating to deep dialogue and restore connection and wholeness?

This seminar recording will introduce the basic theory and therapeutic processes of Imago Relationship Therapy and demonstrate its application to conflicted couples in committed partnerships. Attention will also be given to the implications of the relational paradigm for all forms of therapy.

OBJECTIVES:
-Describe the key difference between the relationship paradigm and the individual paradigm
-Demonstrate the Imago Dialogue Process
-Describe the difference between the role of an Imago therapist and a traditional therapist
-Discuss the concept of the Imago and the role it plays in partner selection
-Explain the outcomes of Dialogue
-Reframe the Power Struggle as growth trying to happen

OUTLINE:

Imago Relationship Therapy

-The Origins and Synthesis
-Relational vs. Individual Paradigms
-Why couples fight

Unconscious Journey

Conscious Journey

The Goal of Therapy

Imago Dialogue

-Monologue vs. Dialogue
-First Step: Mirroring
-Outcomes of Dialogue

Imago Workup (Written) Theory and Therapy of Couplehood
-Connection
-Dyadic Structure of Nature
-Original vs. Actual Self
-Adaptations of Intrusion and Neglect
-Emotional Symbiosis

The Formation of the Imago & The Selection Process

Imago Dialogue

-Three Steps (Mirroring, Validating, Empathizing)
-Flow of Felt Meaning
-Maintaining Empathy (Still Face Video)

Demonstration & Practice
-Body Language

Your Role
-The New Role as Therapist
-Your Role as Therapist as Global Healer

CONTINUING EDUCATION INFORMATION:

Continuing Education Credits available for the following professions:
-Counselors
-Social Workers
-Psychologists
-Marriage and Family Therapists
-Addiction Counselors
-Nurses/Nurse Practitioners/Clinical Nurse Specialists
-Other Professions
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Chained Up

Overcoming Adversity

It was never my intention to chain myself up!

Overcoming Adversity

We unknowingly chain ourselves up with things from the past, that presently impair us, while making our future hopes seemingly impossible.

 

Once upon a time when i was married, i made a decision without talking to my wife about it first.

 

As a child i was taught that the husband is to be the main provider for his family. I wanted to be in the position where she didn’t have to work. SO i figured i would joint the military reserve in order to acquire training in the construction field, come home, get a job making $30+/hr. My wife at that time was in full support of me.

It didn’t work out the way i planned, and was never hired in construction. They wouldn’t hire me to hold a flag.

I was not raised to be lazy or live off of a woman. i was raised to make my own way. Things were not working out. There was pressure from bills needing to be paid, providing for our children, and comments from the in-laws.

The only thing i could think of was, “if i go full time in the military, then i will be able to provide for my family the way a man is suppose to. i signed the papers, and told my wife when i would be leaving and i had to do this to take care of the family.

Her response wasn’t pleasant, and she never explained to me why she was so upset. At this present moment the only thing that comes to mind is that i didn’t include her. I made a decision as a single man, while excluding the fact that i was married. i wasn’t single any more. At this point she was not supportive, and she began to shut me out. Her shutting me out was the worse thing that ever happened to me.

 

As a male i felt the burden of providing for my family, and i didn’t know any other legal way. i was tired of the temporary jobs, tired of the uncertainty of how long a position would last, and i couldn’t grasp the image of my being a stay at home dad. i couldn’t handle the strange looks, and snickering from those who was calling me lazy and no good; both in my face and behind my back. i felt there was no one to talk to without being criticized.

 

My chains were:

  • making a decision without my wife
  • the pressure of finding a permanent job
  • the pressure of bills
  • feeling like i had no one to talk to
  • peer pressure
  • comments from others
  • my upbringing
  • insecurity
  • and more

 

One can walk out from under having chains draped over them.

All of my chains had several locks on them. The ends were locked together. The chains were locked to each other, and the locks were locked to the locks.

All of this was simply because i decided to make a decision without my wife. i didn’t talk to her about what i was going through, how i felt or what bearing all of this was having on me.

If you can identify with any part of this, then the remedy is simple and the work is hard.

The remedy is simply to talk.

The work is getting past all the thoughts that keep you from talking.

When the silent treatment is used, it is the same thing as shutting a person out. The silent treatment results in a tit-for-tat and no one is talking. This adds additional stress to the marriage. No one knows what the other person is thinking and their imagination is running wild. Since there is no communication to eliminate what isn’t true, then each of their actions begin to based upon their imagination as if what is imagined is true. What else does a person have to go on?

Then thoughts such as:

  • this isn’t what i signed up for;
  • if this is what marriage is like, then i can do without it;
  • they got some nerve;
  • they don’t really know who they’re messing with;
  • two can play this game;
  • and more.

As long as there’s no communication or the communication is about who is right/wrong, the marriage will eventually end.

Your marriage doesn’t have to end unless one or both people no longer want to be in it.

The answer isn’t infidelity! If you’re not talking in one relationship, then something will eventually trigger your not talking in the next relationship. My experience has shown that when i stopped talking it became my unhealthy way of dealing with stress whether inside or outside the marriage.

 

The end is in the beginning. The same communication involved with leading up to marriage, is required to sustain/maintain the marriage.

These things occur and have to be dealt with while dating, engaged, at work, with friends, while driving, and more.

 

As our theme states: “A Better Me, A Better Us”.

 

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Change the relationship you have into the one you want.

Welcome to the Relationship Revolution! Making Marriage Simple is the accessible, essential road map to building a strong marriage in the modern world. Bestselling authors Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt distill into ten essential truths what they've learned about how to create a successful and satisfying relationship—both from their decades of “R&D” in the marriage lab of their workshops, and from their own relationship journey.  In each chapter, Harville and Helen introduce a simple truth—such as “a frustration is a wish in disguise,”  “incompatibility is grounds for marriage,” or “conflict is growth trying to happen”—and then walk couples through easy yet effective exercises to help them apply each truth in real life, every day.

Harville and Helen have spent their careers helping couples transform their marriages through research, workshops, and counseling. But marriage—even for marriage experts—is never easy, and a number of years ago they found themselves on the brink of divorce. Harville and Helen put themselves back through the exercises they’d coached so many other couples through, saving their marriage and helping them achieve a true partnership.

This book is for all couples.  It offers the practical tools needed to transform one’s relationship into a rewarding and joyous marriage.  Written with humor, compassion, and honesty, and illustrated throughout with engaging line drawings, Making Marriage Simple is a strategic blueprint for creating a stronger, more satisfying partnership in today's world.

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Receiving Love: Transform Your Relationship by Letting Yourself Be Loved (Paperback)

By (author): Ph.D. Harville Hendrix Ph.D., Ph.D. Helen LaKelly Hunt Ph.D.

Harville Hendrix has illuminated the paths to loving, long-lasting relationships in his New York Times bestsellers Getting the Love You Want and Keeping the Love You Find. Now, with coauthor and wife Helen LaKelly Hunt, he brings us to a new understanding about one of the most complicated issues facing couples today:
Receiving Love
Many men and women know how to give love, but many more undermine their relationships by never having learned how to accept it. We don't always realize the ways in which we reject appreciation and affection, help and guidance from our romantic partners. And, according to Hendrix and Hunt, until we are able to understand the meaning behind our behavior, our relationships stand to suffer. Ask yourself:
Are you reluctant to tell your partner what you really want or need?
When you do get what you've asked for, do you still feel dissatisfied?
Is it difficult for you to accept kind gestures, gifts, or compliments from your partner?

If you answered yes to any of the above, this book is for you. With Receiving Love, you can learn how to break the shackles of self-rejection -- which likely began in childhood, when our caretakers unintentionally failed to nurture us -- and embrace real intimacy. Drawing on their renowned expertise, the wide clinical experience of Imago therapists, and their own personal experience as a married couple, the authors offer detailed, sensitive advice on how to turn a relationship between two well-meaning yet misunderstood individuals into a true, everlasting partnership.
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Cameron A Bailey Sr
Cameron A. Bailey, Sr. is the most sought after interpersonal growth consultant in the online community. Famous for creating win-win relationships that we all seek in life without being taken advantage of or even remotely selfish.
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